WHAT TAKES GRIT

In this littlest cubbyhole of my small numbed world, I'm taking in harsh realities one by one as each comes.

People at a distance (at least those whom I choose to stay at a considerable distance--a little away from me for a reason other than solace), who see only the introverted haughty snob in me give me a lot of labels and a whole lot of reasons to dislike me--which I care less, at first. I don't know why but I am happier sheltering my own world, keeping my own thoughts to myself. The generally ultra unreserved ones repel me. Unfortunately, from this stems my usual far from pleasant encounters. And this, no matter how I know deep down that I seriously have a heart of a Christian, sends me to a lot of misunderstanding and needless troubles.

I have understood down through the years that everyday everyone gets judged by the kind of smile that one paints on his face and who one rubs his elbow with. It's a day-to-day basis. But the stigma that it subtly creates gets to compound everyday and stays like a stubborn wart that thickens the skin nastily. They just stay there no matter how baseless the preconceptions are. That, I know.

Several times in my younger years, I went frantic wanting to deftly erase these labels I earned. But nope, they just would not go. Thus, I hang on to the Biblical cliché, "Man looks at the appearance, but God looks at the heart." So, does that give me a little breathing room to hold on for one more day? Definitely. It takes grit, but definitely.

People as crazy as I am understand every bit of abnormality in me. Although I have learned to open up to people, I still own that secluded world inside and often cleaves to it as often as I fancy it. And everyday, I get misunderstood for not smiling, for not shaking hands, for being too quiet, for not volunteering to do the dirty job (not because I don't want it. I am just not the type that calls attention to myself), for being too strict, etc.

Not many people gravitate to me alright, but I am happy with a handful that I can call friends.