Sleep heals. For a great many, this is a stress-buster of sort. When beset by a busy day, the body just refuses to go on like a well-oiled machine. It just slows down, a warning sign that the body is crying for rest, for sleep.
But how could a wife sleep over on a decision, on a family conflict, on an emotionally whipped husband?
Truth is, I do not know how. I'd rather bury my weary head to the pages of this book I'm reading to cure me of this unwanted anxiety. I have done enough sleep--too much that I guess it's time. It is time to pick up the painful tools and start digging for a way to peace land--wherever that is.
In the back of my mind, I know all this time that it is not healthy to stay with in-laws. It needlessly invites conflicts and gathers emotional dents and pricks here and there which could balloon and blow anytime soon. I know this is what my husband is going through right now while we are in my parents' house. I know we have to move out some time in the future. I am not sure where or how. But I am pulling heaven's door string hoping God will send us in a neatly-packed box our very own house and lot near my work place.
I so love my husband that I feel bad he has to go through this. I felt though we have no choice with so much debts but meager income. Other than this, I can be very much of a nag to him especially when work and clutter at home send me to hell. I just let it all out to him. I know he too needs to let out some toxins that he has at work. When a wife needs to be there for him, here i was dealing with my own inferno as well.
I can hear so much hurt in his voice trailing off my waking seconds before sleep triumphantly dragged me to oblivion last night, too bad I was too exhausted when that moment cropped up. This morning, the overdue talk does not even have a chance beating the day's ruffles and traffic jams. For a while there, I wanted us to miss work and go somewhere together and talk. But even that is unaffordable; literally, our pockets won't allow for a get-away no matter how unluxurious we want it to be.
I know some long-time married couples have this as peanuts to them. But God, this is weghing me down like I carry a hundred of sacks of peanuts at my back. For how long we can hold on--I and Jom--, I don't know. All I know, is that I do want to hang on. I need no other husband or family.
I can only turn to you, my Omnipotence, our Omnipotence.
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