HERE'S A LOWLY STEWARD INVENTORY

Hah, just what is it with the coming of each new year!? Whether it's superstition or simply the fear of the future that besets us with so much concern I don't know.But I found myself clearing our old closet from the overstaying outdated clothes that would look fine with Santa and his elves in the 1800s. I wrestled with emptying our soiled clothes baskets and have them dry before the clock strikes 12. Personally, there's not much pressure about putting our best foot forward for the beginning of the year and throwing off the bad habits we have incurred in the last 365 days or so. To enumerate them would be taxing. So I'm practically reliving myself from that hassle. I only want a cleaner house and well-kept bedroom and kitchen before I set off for work this week.

What I look forward though is renewing our vow as a family in prayer and Scripture reading and starting it right at the onset of the year 2012. I know there would be some hits and misses. But I'd rather do what I am set to do as long as we can. It will be better this year. Our family Bible get-together in the last few months of 2011 proved to be a major cohesion factor for me and Jom. Hence, this year, we are making a little promise to ourselves with the Omnipotence's grace to keep us intact and be within His radar, so to speak.

For the last few months, I discovered I have yet to grow when it comes to being a wife especially in the department of listening and patience. There's so much to improve when it comes to suspending the going off  of the fuse in the issue of man and woman differences. Man, I have a lot of growing up to do.

Another, perhaps, is handling of time and opportunities. I realized almost far too late, that time in essence is a gift and has to be taken care off like I would my monthly salary. In fact, a bit more crucial than money. The year has been a blessing but it would have been more of a blast if I have made use of time to its fullest--time with my Kiny and my Jomarie, time with the most cherished friends, and most of all time with my God in prayer and ministry. Ministry, specifically, music ministry and counseling--I miss doing these. The returns are endless. The returns are good to the skin and heart. They do wonders in bringing back the youth to my tired muscles.

Well, call it superstition. I call it a yearly steward inventory.

PAULI BALIK SA 1990

(Kang Anna Mae)

Magdungan ta sa 

Paghulat sa pagsawop sa

Pulahong adlaw.

Magpatungod ta sa

Iyang ga pula-pulang pinisik

Didto, 

Manghangad kita,

Mangyawat nga

Hugupon sa iyang kabalaan  ang

Gatibugol mong

Pag-ukon ukon.

Didto,

Mupuli ang 

Bulok sa iyang kaisug

Nga bisan ang mga taya

Sa atong mga katuigan

Malanay hangtod  ang

Atong mga galamhan mamalik

Niadtong nagtiniil pa kita

Samtang gabato-lata.

Mahimong ubanan ko ikaw

Kung ang paglatas sa ugma

Mao ang pag-ambak nianang

Malinglahong bung-aw,

Unya,

Inig dagtum nianang unahan

Manglupad kita ug

Didto sa kawanangan,

Way puas tang magduwag

Bato-lata.

STROLLING ALONG CHRISTMAS BOULEVARD IN FLIPFLOPS

Why is Christmas so essentially busy and money-wasting? Why can't Christmas time be plain and quiet? And can't Christmas lights stay as they are throughout the year to keep my daughter's sense of wonder alive in the absence of partying and dressing up?

Wearing flip-flops, strolling sleepy streets, and sipping black coffee with my man and kid (well, the kid gets her chocolait or anything of that sort) would just be one heavenly Christmas break. All these hullabaloo and freaking out in malls to catch mark-down items to wrap and send to recipients who always seem to wish something else for their gifts are so numbing to senses and pandemonic. After all these anxiety what is actually left is the wallet's precarious state and arthritis all over. All for nothing.

And yet, no matter how I know all these things that I mentioned above, I still willingly succumb to the same stress-inducing activities. For what? For the heck of hoping to find what makes other people's Christmas merrier. That in all stressful time, you will see some hint of a smile in your loved ones' faces. Even if finding that special something often exceeds your patience meter, you still go through it. Just that, and Christmas becomes more than wearing flip-flops strolling hand in hand with my little kid and hubby in a quiet sleepy boulevard sprinkled with blinking lights.

The Trouble With Christmas

The workplace could be the busiest corner of my life. It eats up 90 percent of my day. And on Christmas time, it steals me away from home 7 days in most weeks of December. And to think the company's compensation does not reciprocate what most teachers put in especially in days like these days.

But of course, as they say, charge whatever extra work you put in as service to the institution (for feeding your family on a regular basis,perhaps?). Lately, the school's family day celebration has become a typhoon. It has unleashed the gnarls and horns of people around the work place. True to what is expected, stress gave me the perfect opportunity to see through the people around. This is the right time to figure out the real ones from the "not so real" ones; the prize friends from the "good as acquaintance" only. Little by little things are beginning to sink in as they should so I would know how to react to things. And moments like this reminds me of the usual mantra that things like growing up is not limited to young people. That such is a universal must even to educators who essentially is no different compared to my 3-year-old in terms of laying down their demands as though the world's attention only evolves around them. Ironically.

 I have found symptoms like this many times from leaders who are advanced in age or people who are in positions, people who are slave drivers, and those who could not find satisfaction and peace to what the imperfect world could afford to offer them. Thus, what I discover from people in these busy times should not surprise me like how it does to me now. But I still get the same jolt every time people with these symptoms throw their weight around others. In the height of my frustration, I often call them the grown-up "brats." I am aware though, that I become the most disliked when I, being the quiet one, the uninvolved one, the distant one, stubbornly refused to be touched in my holy hours like Sundays, evenings, and the hours after work. On one hand, there are young colleagues who still need to review their ethics on "respect" on people's time, belongings, and individuality. They just run in to you, crash in on your kindness whenever it suits their fancy forgetting any one could actually break loose, screw niceties and pleasantries, and explode.

 I hate it when I find myself in the brink of losing my handle because these people are used to me being timid and unobtrusive. They would take it as misbehavior dismissing their misbehavior as plain usual culture. Well, as they say, sand papers are blessings in disguise because they trim the edges of our person and make us better eventually. I agree. Completely. But at times, jostling with these people in this hopeless mix takes some grit in my part. Sometimes it feels like I need to show them some heft, some roughness that would equal the bruises they usually cause people. Maybe. When the right time comes.

And when it does, it's grinding time!

TUGNAW

Misangyad na sa yuta ang
Mga sanga sa
Bombel ni Nanang;

Mihinay hinay nag
Kamang ang mga balili,
Padung sa nagliyok-liyok
Nga sementadong hagdan
Lahos sa among wanang;

Tingali mao na la'y mupuli
Sa dayak-dayak
Sa mga gagmayng tiil kanhi
Kauban sa mga pinutos
Nga mga karmelitos;

Milili na ang
Mga sanga sa acacia
Sa bintana ni Tatang;

Tingali natingala
Kung hain na ang
Mga agik-ik sa mga
Magpasabak nga
Nagkamuritsing sa latik
Sa biko ug putong pinalutaw
Ni Nanang.

Puno pa ang
Bayanan sa pilit ni Nanang
Apan bugnaw ang
Among abuhan.

Samtang
Nagduka na si Tatang
Sa may bintana
Nga gapaminaw
Sa mga amba ug
Hudyaka sa gawas;

Taod-taod duyugan na
Ni Tatang ug ni Nanang ang
Mga kinana-as
Sa nagsingabot
Nga tugnaw
Sa Pasko.

MOOD SWINGS ON DECEMBER

As December swings so does my mood. I'm not quite ready for it so it seems. I got bills to pay before the close of the year and a pile or two of paper works.In fact it feels like arid summer. I'm sweating all the time, literally. Just last Friday, I had to rush to 3 places to deliver communications to bigwigs for the institution's big event next week. And I barely had time to catch my breath. I had to freshen up to get ready for a hosting stint of a meeting and program set for the JS prom and family day. And yet, in all these things, I had to smile--big one toothy smile. So that when I came home I unexpectedly took it all to my daughter and hubby, stress and all!

All guarded horses broke loose. And my poor husband had to take matters into his hands. I say, humans when tested sometimes win, but at times he has to admit that he has yet to earn the badge of resilience in moments of stress. And man, it is never easy to come off unscathed. Today, we finally made a peace treaty, hoping it would ease the tension. And with God's help, we headed to church with the baggage gone.

Yep, it feels like summer all right. The heat is burning. But thank God, it's December after all, my favorite love month of the year. And He, above all, could douse any burning situation with the cool that can only come from him. I love my family and not even work which I so love could match that, whether it's December or not.