It's liberating to say anything without the usual sugarcoating. At other times, euphemisms prove useful. And that's the unwritten rule: be nice and easy to everybody. This is the vicious pattern. But there are just people who need the truth slapped to their face. A lot of times these days, I have plucked courage to do just that, and as expected, it earned me no sweet friends. But who cares, there are no real friends in this cavernous hole I am in anyway, even if I try my hardest. For friendship in this world in general are somehow based on ulterior motives apart from plain connecting and commmuning.
I have chosen a few. And they have stayed. These people in this cubbyhole are not much of a friend to me. I have tried to be as Christian and as Gina as I can get. But this crowd lumped in this white-washed walls remain far from the periphery of people I call my friends.
I was plunged to a past world worse than this where people measure their worth by other's acceptance. I rebelled against that. And that did not sell. And I make no effort to sweeten the effect it made on people. It often gets me into trouble, others life-defining, but I still detest it. I ran the risk of a lot of grinding with people because I simply refuse to conform to molds, especially ones that are preposterous and unnecessary. And after ten years in that world, I can only say I only have two or three that I can call friends.
I am leaving this small world soon. And I decide, there are no friends here. At some point, this world better learn to appreciate individuality. But of course I know it never will. It sticks to molds.
The world sticks to patterns.
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